I had lunch with a friend recently who was telling me how she has stressed to her teenage son the importance of three days each year. She's told him that if you remember nothing else, remember these three days:
When I heard this, I thought, "How profound!" I mean, she's right, as a mom, those are the three most important days I want my son, Christian, to remember. In fact, I would go so far to say that if he forgot any of those days, I would really be disappointed.
The more I pondered her remarks and these three days, the more I thought how much for me this applies to my step children too. I continued to consider if this would apply to all step-parent/step-children relationships, and I thought why not? The way I see it, there are all different types of roles for a step-parent to fill, in the life of a step-child. Even if the role is not one of a parent/child type relationship, I would hope that there would at a minimum be a mutual respect between the two people. Now, I know, in reality, this doesn't always happen, but maybe it should...or at the very least maybe it could. So to take it even further, even if there is no respect between the step-child and step-parent, couldn't the step-child also recognize that this person is important to their biological parent and then, out of the love for the parent, acknowledge the step-parent on those three days?
We just recently passed Mother's Day. As a mother, I love Mother's Day! My son, Christian, always hangs out with me and makes me feel very loved and wanted from sun up to sun down. As a step-mother, Mother's Day can be scary, sad and sometimes disappointing. I am never sure if I will receive any acknowledgement from my step-children, but I of course, always hope to. I don't expect them to hang out with me all day like Christian does, because they should be spending that time with their biological mother. I will, however, accept texts, phone calls, and even a Facebook message. This year, my step-daughter, Alex did it right. She texted me in the morning and later put a post on Facebook acknowledging the 'moms' in her life, her mom, me and some other ladies she is close to. I appreciate how she did it, and it made me feel loved and special. On the other hand, I didn't hear a peep from my step-son, Adam. Whether it was intentional or not, it was disappointing and hurtful, especially since in our family, I helped raise Alex and Adam and feel very close to them. And so I say, "Adam! Always remember these three days for your mom and me: Mother's Day, Birthdays and Christmas!"
We moms and step-moms work hard for our families. Some of us even have a little side gig we call a full-time job that we do in addition to all the other stuff. We don't do it for pay or even the recognition, the real reason we do what we do, is because we love you. It may sound silly, and you might not understand why, but all we ask is that you remember these three days: