Saturday, October 12, 2013

We're all Just....Family

I recently found out that my son, Christian, is planning a big party at my parent's house.  I'm glad actually.  It's one of the reasons I moved not too far from them, so that Christian, and now also, Alex and Adam, would have a close, comfortable relationship with their grandparents.

Christian's party is with his fellow students at our church, in his discipleship program, EPIC Commission. Since my folks live out in the country with some woods and pasture type fields, its a nice location to have a gathering for a group of young adults.  I'm glad Christian felt comfortable to ask them.

Adam recently asked my dad if he would be willing to help and teach Adam how to change the brakes on his car.  Adam seemed to have a real interest in learning how to do some work on cars, and since Roger and I know how to do that best by taking the cars to a certified mechanic, we decided a better resource would be my dad.  They both seem excited to take on this new adventure. It will be some good quality time together and a great learning experience for Adam.  I'm glad he felt comfortable to ask his Grandpa for help.

A few weeks back, Adam called his Aunt, Roger's sister, on her birthday. We didn't know he called, but he did and he made her day!   Earlier this summer, the same Aunt invited Alex to go away on a 'girls' trip in the Spring.  She told Alex, that she just has to come up for the money to pay for her own flight.  I love that they feel so comfortable to do these things!

Extended family is great, and so important in a blended family.  My grandparents, were a wonderful example of how to include and love anyone who entered into the family.  Not only did they blend together two families, but they also welcomed in any new family members. It didn't matter how they got there, or who birthed them, they were all:  kids, grandkids, great-grandkids, and so forth. They were just....family.

I'm glad all of my children feel comfortable talking to their grandparents, aunts and uncles, regardless of where the bloodline falls. See, my children are important to me because they are the children in my family, regardless of how they got there.  It makes my day, when they ALL become important to our extended family as well.  If you have extended family that are 'steps' don't make them feel like they are not welcome, or not part of the family. Include them, support them, love them..that's all they want and need.

Saturday, October 5, 2013

...and Baby Makes......

Earlier this week during our TV watching time, I turned to my husband, Roger, and asked him if he would be mad if I was pregnant.  "Mad? No, but maybe sad. Well....not sad...well maybe."  I knew what he meant.  Having a baby at this point in our lives isn't on the agenda, but if it happens, well, then I guess it happens, but we're not hoping for it.

Having a baby together was actually a conversation we had before we got married.  It is a conversation any couple needs to have before they get married, but especially if this is a marriage where there are already children involved.  We discussed, do we really want, 'yours, mine and ours?'  The bottom line was we didn't. At the time we got married the boys were both 10 and Alex was 11.  We couldn't imagine starting over again. Considering the age of our children at the time, and our ages, if we wanted to have an 'ours' it needed to be soon after we tied the knot, but we didn't think it was fair to us, or our kids.  This was already a big adjustment, it was enough to have to learn a new parent and new siblings, let alone bringing a baby into the equation.

I know that some couples decide just the opposite. Some couples entering into a second marriage do want to have an "ours," and I can understand why.  You want to share everything with this new spouse, and for many that is having a child with them too.  Although I didn't want anymore children, I wish I had been able to enjoy the experience of being pregnant and giving birth and all the excitement that surrounds those events, with Roger.  When I was pregnant with Christian, I didn't have anyone to share in those exciting times.  It was just me, and it's not as much fun. Who do you tell that your baby just kicked?  No one is there to experience the first word, or the first laugh. You're the only one to see all the funny little things they do. I wish I had been able to experience those things with someone.  I wish it had been Roger.  It just seems so much more fun with two, than alone.  If Roger and I could have figured out how to go from the excitement of pregnancy and birth to a child of the age of 10, we may have had another child, but we all know, it doesn't quite work that way. 

As much as I miss not enjoying those times with someone, I'm glad we decided not to have another child.  All of our children are college aged now, and I have to admit, I like it.  I enjoy having adult conversations with our kids, and that most of the time they laugh at my jokes because they get them. I enjoy things like sleeping through the night and not having to clean up toys...maybe a little too much.  I am also really enjoying spending time with my husband...alone.  We like doing things together.  After all, that's why we got married in the first place, right? 

So, if you're wondering, I'm not pregnant.  If I was, we'd make the best of it, and I'd get to enjoy all those things together with Roger.  Right now, though, I am going to enjoy him, and our lives as they are, and I am so thankful for that.